HOW TO CHEAT IN PEACE (PART 1)

By Ismoh Momoh Jagaban
VERY  ESSENTIAL FOR CHEATING HUBBIES AND WOULD BE CHEATERS!!!  follow these tips..
1) Keep 2 phones - 1 phone not to be brought home but kept in the boot of the car downstairs.
2) Develop the habit of deleting messages as you read. It will save your life.
3) Take your wife for mental check up regularly.
4) Save your girlfriends number with your mothers name. It's a major repellant.
5) Change your phone password daily, or hourly
6) Dont marry a too quiet woman. The ones that will scream aloud will never kill you.
7) Never pretend to be faithful. Let her catch you once in a while deliberately, It's training and will prepare her ahead of cheating task.
8) Lock up all the knives in your house and let her sign a register stating what she needs them for and allocate time frame for usage.
9) Regulate the usage of rat poison and other chemicals in the house. Make sure her mother taste your food before eating, especially when you are not sure  if she has read ur text.
10) Regulate and supervise her relationship with her mother. That would cut off supply chain for arms. 
11) Date only  school girls, they are not very needy and will not send texts at night.
12) Sleep with your body ensconced in armour and borrow or buy okada helmet to protect the head.
13) Have a sit out with your wife and discuss possible methods of your death in the event of her catching you. This is to ensure a painless transition.
14) When choosing a girlfriend go for the most beautiful and exotic that you can find. Since it is now a matter of life and death, chop better so your death would be justified.
15) Go to bed armed after every late argument and quarrel, just in case.
16) Finally, update your will daily because you will surely be caught someday.

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