Sexual Ecstasy by Shadrach Bako

People don't enjoy sex very well in this part of the world because they don't talk about sex. They don't sit to analyze it the way they do sports or gossip about people's private lives. This is where the problem lies. Almost all my exes made the error of assuming that all guys like blow job - and for that, I, too, must like it.

When I told one of my exes that blow job doesn't freak me, she thought I was lying. She said, "it's because you've never met someone who is good at it."

She even said, if I let her try it once, I'd cum multiple times within 30 minutes and confess that, she's the best.

I said, "no wahala. See you see anaconda. Try am make we see. Carry go. Just kukuma ki mi today."

5 minutes into her sojourn into what should be an electrifying sexual experience, my anaconda went flat. She tried all she could to bring it back to life, but, for where?

I told her, stop! Oya touch here and here. She did as advised and within 30 seconds, bros did attention and was ready to fire. 😂

Na mi sabi my bodi.

Social media and google has ruined a lot of relationships and marriages. People want to live the life they're told by the people they follow on social media - who see themselves as authority in the subject of sex - not minding if this copied lifestyles reflect their reality about life.
For this, they try the things that these people say are the best even if they do not enjoy what they're doing themselves...obviously because it doesn't apply to their situation.

The key to sexual fulfilment is communication. Never assume that a person will enjoy an act because most people enjoy it. We are all different and our bodies respond differently to stimuli.

There is nothing wrong in asking your partner: What are your hot spots? Where do you love to be touched? What do you hate in bed? Don't spiritualize sex o. Talk about it. From sex positions, rhythm, intensity of the strokes...everything. Talk it wo. You'll thank me someday.

As a guide, though:

1. NEVER have sex when you're hungry. That is punishment.

2. NEVER have or force your partner to have sex with you, no matter how the congi is doing you, if your partner says, they are tired.

3. Please take your bath and brush your teeth thoroughly before engaging in any sexual act. When I say, brush your teeth, I do not mean brush ONLY your teeth. Kindly scrub your tongue thoroughly, because it is your tongue that makes your mouth smell not your teeth. I am emphasizing this teeth aspect because nothing can turn a person off during love-making faster than bad breath and body odour. Take your bath. If you're the type who sweats profusely during love-making, use a good deodorant or body spray. We appreciate the fact that you're the mother of the house, and we give kudos for all you're doing for the kids and your man. But please, don't come to bed smelling fish, crayfish, okro, meat, etc. Also, who wants to stick their mouth in a puna or penis that smells urine? Now, it is sinking in, I believe.

4. Please keep a lubricant close by. You'll need it for massage or when your puna becomes dry and painful as a result of 'over pounding.'

What else should you know o?

Ehn hnn!

5. Pull your cloths off completely before sex. Don't remove boxers and leave your singlet on. Or remove your pants and leave your vest or bra on. Remove everything. Be completely naked as you were on the first day you were born. This is very important because there's a special sensation that comes from touching each other's bodies - without cloths on.

For those of you who may not know, typically, first round of sex lasts 5 - 15 minutes at most. For most guys, sex stops at that first round - only unfortunately - because they cannot get their small man back up and the lady is either too lazy, too pretentious or too spiritual to do what it takes to get that damn thing up for action. The bad thing here is that, while the first round may be okay for most men - because wetin consine man? Once him don do release, shikenan, bodi go sweet am...it is frustration for the woman - because most women begin to enjoy love-making seconds before you cum.

I am trying to lead you to the origin of cheating. When you scratch the surface and refuse to dig deep until you find gold, it is frustration for most women. In a nutshell, if you're not servicing that puna well, there's a very high tendency that given the slightest opportunity, she'd take it to someone who'd service it thoroughly and you'd be left fuming at what you could have prevented. What I'm telling you is reality not fiction.

While men get fulfilment after the first round, most women will become frustrated after the first round if their man cannot go beyond that. As a matter of fact, if you see a woman who says she's satisfied after the first round of sex, IT IS - more often than note - A LIE. She may be telling you that because:

1. You're clueless and she doesn't want to stand another round of your cluelessness. 

2. She doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

3. She's pretending.

4. She's experiencing pains.

Order than the above, most women will not want their man to stop during or after the first round. In fact, some will hate you for not being able to go beyond the first round.

The above scenario, where the guy is unable to get his penis up after the first round, and the lady ignores him is what I call "the point of divergence." It is the beginning of problem in that relationship or marriage. It is worse when the lady turns her back on the guy, because she believes it is his sole responsibility to get his joystick up again; and women know how to do this in such a way that you'd hate your life.

As in, dem go just lie for bed, turn face dey look the oda side, leave ekebe make e dey eye you...dem fit even dey bounce am small small make e pain you.

How frustrating it can be for the man, who'd hold his small man in his hand and be muttering, "Bros, why you fall my hand like this? Wetin ah do you?"

Dear sister, ne bi so this life bi o. Dis life na by understanding and help.

As e dey pain you say him no fit go pass one round, na so e dey hurt the man ego and pride too. No man wants to know that he can't or doesn't satisfy his woman. Nothing kills a man's morale more than that.

So, to arrest this issue, you must treat it as a collective challenge. Help him by stroking his ego with words such as, "you're the best," "I love the way you do this and do that." As you dey talk those things so, make sure say him anaconda dey your hand, dey stroke am small small, kiss his ears, nose, neck...as him dey giggle dey happy dey go, na so him tin go dey rise like moon...unless of course, he's hungry or you fed him junk food like noodles. Shay you have seen why I said, make una chop BETTER food before una start? Issorite.

6. Put the lights on. Learn to leave the lights on.

7. As him dey give you, you sef dey give am. Don't lie like a log of wood. If your hands are not hovering around his body as he's trying to pleasure you, you're the problem.

8. Communicate. Talk to each other during sex.

9. Don't make sex about you.

10. Release your body. I am saying this because majority of Nigerian women will never experience orgasm or squirt until they die. The reason for this is that, they don't free their body, let the sensation flow until it gets to climax.

One babe said, "Yeeeah, I want to pee. It is coming.... I want to peee o. Then she gets up. She doesn't end up peeing. The sensation goes."

The story of most Nigerian women.

Side Note: "There are some problems that prayer and fasting cannot solve o. These problems that I am talking about, na only good sex fit arrest. Make light of the information you've consumed in this piece at your peril."

Shadrach Bako

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